How many of you have done it? And how many of you have gotten negative reactins from the in-laws about it?
The way I see it, it changes your identity entirely.
It%26039;s a mild traumatic change which the patriarchial world has rarely cared to acknowledge... I mean our name is what has identified us since we were babies, and learning to write it in Kindergarten.
To lose it over night is devastating to me at least ( I might consider hyphenating it)
Who sees this the same way?Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I have not done it because I%26039;m not married, but if I do get married, I%26039;m keeping my name. I feel exactly the way you do. I know all about my family%26039;s history and also have an extremely rare name, and I wouldn%26039;t give it up for anything.
I think your comment about naming and identity is also right on. Naming something gives you a certain power over it - we name the objects in our world; our colonial folk *renamed* lands and rivers and lakes (even though they already had Native American names - or, if they weren%26039;t named, they simply didn%26039;t need to be); %26quot;renaming%26quot; a person, calling them something such as a nickname that they don%26039;t want to be named, demonstrates a desire in the namer to exercise power and ownership over the object, and also demonstrates a lack of respect for the object. There are quite interesting theories on naming that have been written by literary scholars ... arrgh. I don%26039;t remember who. Julia Kristeva? No. I%26039;ll try to find you something.
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It appears Judith Butler has written an article in the journal _Diacritics_ on naming ... %26quot;Further Reflections on Conversations of Our Time.%26quot; (I see now that it is not on naming per se, but is an e-mail dialogue between herself and another scholar and probably mentions naming.) I%26039;m not sure if you%26039;ll have access to it. Here%26039;s something that discusses naming from a philosophical perspective, but that I don%26039;t find that interesting: http://www.friesian.com/naming.htm .
You might also check out Hans-Georg Gadamer.
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Ah, just joking. Scratch the Gadamer. Try Kenneth Burke%26039;s _A Grammar of Motives_. One informal reviewer writes, %26quot;Thus, Burke uncovers the intent that I have when I name something that it may be what I have called it%26quot; (http://www.sil.org/~radneyr/humanities/r ). Try also Burke%26039;s _Rhetoric of Motives_. The process of naming is complexly related to %26quot;defining.%26quot;Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
i guess if that is what you want to do then go ahead. it did not bother me none to change my name maybe a little bc mine was uniqe but long and i went to a long last name to a short one. which is kinda nice faster for written.
what about the kids? will they have to haphen and have to last names also? you had you dads last name so whats wrong with changing it? but do what you want it does not matter to me really its your choice your name.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I actually did hyphenate my last name when I got married, then I decided what the heck , I took his. Im still me whether I have his last name or not.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
i can understand your point of view
but you might be a little bit insecure about losing your identity
you have to realise your still yourself no matter what you or other people say or call youKeeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
statistics wise i couldn%26039;t tell you how many women keep there maiden name. though i can tell you that usually women of power, position, or wealth often have their maiden or hyphenated names when they are married. partly because they are already well known by that name and partly because they want to be considered their husbands equal.
Personally i don%26039;t think it is less patriarchal to keep your maiden name as it is technically your fathers name so really your choosing to be claimed by your father or husband. It is like the whole miss or mrs thing. miss meant you were under the protection of your dad, and mrs meant you were under the protection of your hubby historically. that is why feminists in the 60%26039;s and 70%26039;s started useing ms. to claim that they owned themselves. if u really want to show that you are not under anyones thumb consider picking a new last name all together.
if you are simply attached to your maiden name since you have as you said, had it for years than by all means keep it or hypenate it. i personally will take my boyfriends last name it is much nicer than mine, and i think hyphenating would make my name too long and silly sounding. the choice is a personal one, whatever makes u comfortable is what matters.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I dont see it that way at all.
i think it would be realy cute to have my husbands name
and it wouldnt be traumatic its not like ur name was sue
and it changed to polly anna overnight its just ur last name.
o_oKeeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I am not married, but when I do I am not going to change my name to his. I love my name and initials. I feel that I have every right to keep my name, ask him to change his name to yours and see what he thinks. I believe the same thing that you do. Your name is part of who you are, he fell in love with you and that is part of you. He should understand if you want to keep your own name.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I kept my last name. My husband doesn%26039;t love that I decided to keep it because it is tradition, but he has respected my wish. Besides, how else are you supposed to find those old friends from high school. I jokingly talked about hyphenating because we both knew that our names were long enough separate let alone together. (mine 13 letters his 10) I have a friend though that has hyphenated her last name with her husband%26039;s and it was a little strange at first but now it seems perfectly normal. Those who are %26quot;famous%26quot; don%26039;t change their names usually because it is their identity. The only problem I have had is that people don%26039;t think I am married sometimes. My in-laws have no problem with it, of course they are divorced and re-married. No matter your name you are still you.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I believe every person has an identity, and the parents keep the child%26039;s name so as to be able to proudly call them as such. NO ONE has a right to change the name, except the holders themselves. My wife gets strange looks %26amp; questions when someone finds out she hasn%26039;t changed her name. She proudly says it%26039;s her identity, and, that my husband was the one insisting on keeping the original name.
It matters to me that she keeps her originality, her proud heritage of her family links, and I wouldn%26039;t want it to be any different, even for my siblings.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I kept my name because it%26039;s my name. I%26039;m not changing it for anybody. However, I am bothered by the whole %26quot;maiden%26quot; name thing--none of us are maidens, and we all have men%26039;s names either way. If someone put Mrs. in front of my name, it was strange as it appeared that I was married to my father. So, I have never gone by a title or by anyone else%26039;s name, just by my first name. My in-laws were furious, but whatever. Even my own parents didn%26039;t like it. But, like I say, whatever. It%26039;s my name. I never considered hyphenating it or doing anything else complicated like that. I%26039;m really glad I had the choice...keeping your own name wouldn%26039;t have been possible not that long ago. It%26039;s all about choice.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I%26039;m not keeping my maiden name, anyway ?it sucks, so I%26039;m changing it to my grandmother%26039;s far cooler maiden name. But if I got married (ain%26039;t gonna happen), I wouldn%26039;t change it. What would the point be?Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I understand where you are coming from because I was married later in life than most other people so I identified with my self through my original surname. I didn%26039;t have the same anti-patriarchal feelings that you expressed. My misgivings were along the lines that most people won%26039;t recognize or call you by the hyphenated name so what%26039;s the point?
When I graduated from high school and when many of my girlfriends got married...they kept their last names and hyphenated them. Frankly, it was to thumb their noses at the patriarchal custom of loosing last names. Since then, there have been a few divorces and remarriages and not one hyphenated the second time around.
My sister hyphenated her name...but nine times out of ten people don%26039;t acknowledge both names. They say one or the other... rarely both. I%26039;ve know women for years to find out they had hyphenated names and I never knew.
My solution was to keep my last name as a middle name. I have a first name, two middle names and a last name -- no hyphen...no confusion.
I kept my name and I don%26039;t have the controversy or confusion that goes along with it.
I was able to adopt the surname of the man I loved, share the surname with our children and I still keep the name of the people I%26039;ve loved the longest...and I acknowledge my identity every time I sign my name.
I hope this helps.
Best Wishes for Your Future Together -- Hyphenated or Not!
Wait a minute??? Keep name for professional reasons...THAT puts a whole new perspective on it.
Keep your professional name by all means. Don%26039;t give it up! I was speaking on my behalf. Let%26039;s hear from the Professional Women whose career relies on their name...what have they done?
I know my dentist kept her maiden name professionally; I know a lawyer who kept her name professionally, I know a psychologist who kept her maiden name professionally--but she still goes by her husband%26039;s last name privately. I%26039;ll have to ask them how they did it.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
I really wanted to hyphenate mine. But, I have an old fashioned family as does my husband.
It was just such a pain in the rear. It was one thing back before women owned property and had their own finances, but in the modern age changing your last name is a terrible inconvenience.
My maiden name is still on the title to my house. They wanted to charge me $700 to change my last name. Interestingly enough, it%26039;s free for me to add him to the title.
I didn%26039;t change my name at all for 9 months after I was married. I really wish I would%26039;ve stuck to my guns and just had it hyphenated. I do think it%26039;s nice to take his name, but, I wish I would%26039;ve kept my own.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
i plan on having my husbands name when we get married but i did think about keeping my maiden name but i decide not to because i think i want to have the same name as my husband since i love him i think its the least i could doKeeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
Unless your famous there is no real reason for it. Hyphenating it isn%26039;t as big a deal but don%26039;t you think it would be kind of weird not having the same last name as your kids.Keeping Maiden Name After Marriage - How Many Women Have Done it?
thats dumb your supposed to change your last name to the mans.... the last name of a family stays with the man there for a boy keeps it the girl changes it dont be dumb and marry the first guy you meet
