Just as the title says, he loves me but he wants to leave.
I'll give you some background on our relationship. We have known each other for 11 years since 1998, we met online in a video game. He lives on the US East coast and I live in Central Canada. I am madly in love with him and he is with me too and we have always been fond of each other.
This is where the crap pile comes in; in early 2004 I met a guy in real life and we became boyfriend and girlfriend and I basically disappeared from the online world. I admit I did not tell my online friend this and that was not right to do, but ever since then I have shown that I am sorry, that it was a bad decision and it will never happen again. My online friend will not drop it though. Abandoning wasn't nice to do but I have shown a lot through the years that I am sorry and what we have is enjoyed and taken seriously.
Everything was fine when we met at 12/13 years of age, and everything is fine (Or would be now) if he would drop it. I went off track in the middle but it's like no matter what I do, he will not drop it and see that I am sorry for my actions and it will never happen again. It's like I have to get an identity change/facial reconstruction for him to see that I am a good person. As soon as he hears my name there are associations which are attached to it which block progress. %26quot;Breanne (me) has entered the premises! Turn off all forms of openness and trust! Put up the shields! Do not become vulnerable to her even though that is what happens in a relationship!%26quot;. I swear I can hear the klaxons going off in his head. He has admitted he doesn't do this to other people, and I have realized to that I am seen in a different light; A light mixed with love and distrust. He has had a gf (and went back to her after they broke up) when I was quite fond of him when we were in our early stages and it hurt too; seeing him with her when I loved him so much. Though he told me about his, why is it so bad that I had a bf? It hurts so much and depresses me and I don't think I will ever make him realize how painful it is and how much of an affect it has on my psyche. I swear it's starting to affect me physically (Anxiety, nervous stomach, clenching teeth, loss of memory, insomnia etc.)
I asked why he keeps the **** from the past around and he said he doesn't know why. I basically told him that things aren't like that and to get over it. It's been 5 years! But then he is like %26quot;But that means they and you were like that at one point!%26quot;. It's fear, but he refuses to admit it's fear, he calls it 'concern'. In reality, concern is a type of fear, just less prominent. His father cheated on his mother and is out of the house, they don't have a lot of reserve left to work with, and hes losing his job this month, and his mom may well be too. Why would he want to throw away someone that loves him and is supportive of him, even willing to give him a roof to be under?
When he's at work, he tries to find reasons in his head to justify him leaving. He wants to leave. He has stated this is 'dangerous', and that he feels like hes walking into a trap, though I have tried to show him he is not. I asked him that if this is so dangerous and such, why doesn't he go and he says because he loves me. It's a vicious loop I wish to break but everything I am doing isn't working.
People may say hes just lashing out due to his circumstances blah blah but there is something more to this. Please, anyone, if anyone has answers please tell me how to fix this, or methods that work to show him it won't happen again and how to get him to drop the past crap. I am nearing the end of my rope and am running out of options and feel so hopeless.He says he loves me, but wants to leave so bad and will not.?
i didn't wanna read the whole book you posted but, just tell him how you truly feel and talk to him about things.
